Shamelessly Bad Parody Extravaganza!
by Artist Inside
Summary: What happens when squall's acne, seifer's fan letters and quistis's fanfiction collide? Sheer madness, I tell you.


  
Disclaimer- i do not own any of the ff8 characters. =~(   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Morning of a typical day at balamb garden~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Scene- 1f, somewhere near the directory. cid is in discussion with a some faceless student. the others are just. there. The girls are giving a tour of the garden to some balamb student candidates. The guys are supposed to be helping, but they are talking about.. what are they talking about???  
  
student with no face- Why cant i be a seed? I am 16!! I have honors! I am a mean nunchucker who is also the president of the chess and edea fan club!  
  
Cid- Yeah, but you're ugly. try again when.. augh- lost train of thought.... fuck... norg mind control.. just go away fsshu fsshuu!  
  
student-eep! (runs off)  
  
Cid- -*sees squall* ah, yes! that is what i was thinking about! my beautiful squally, come here! 3  
  
Rinoa- he is my squally!!  
  
Squall- er..... *sweatdrop*  
  
*another conversation going on a few feet away....*  
  
Seifer- i got another bag of fanmail this week -grins-  
  
Irvine- Oh yeah? Well i got.. *counts on fingers* ..six just the other day!  
  
Zell- *whispered to seifer* he means six letters  
  
Irvine- HEY-!!!!  
  
Seifer & Zell- hahaha.  
  
Zell- i heard that Titus got another 40 bags just yesterday...  
  
Irvine & Seifer- *evil, withering glare*  
  
Zell- eep! *hides*  
  
Seifer- that damn pretty boy! hes a newbie!  
  
Irvine- though he looks rather fetching with that bare chest and riding that..............................chocobo...   
(Jen- betcha thought i was gonna say something else, huh?)  
  
Seifer-........................  
  
Zell- eew! *turns back to seifer* ummm, anyway, i got another hate mail from some boy with hair in strange places... it made me cry. it made me realize.. um, what was i saying? oh yeah, he said i was perfect or something. i mean, i have never needed to shave.   
  
Irvine-(whispered to Zell) its built in babe magnets. and besides, do not question our good fortune at garden.  
  
Seifer- yeah, and who would want to be around selphie with hairy legs.? actually, just her alone....  
  
Irvine- h-hey!  
  
*and in the foreground, the girls with the tour*  
  
Quistis- (to tourees. or is it tourists??) Its so nice how unique we are at garden *ten students walk by in identical Uniforms. quistis snaps her fingers, and some thug bags them all and runs off* ... and we can show our individualism without feeling pressured.. *smiles warmly at frightened children*  
  
Selphie- our free choice of clothes expresses our personality, and we all respect each other-OHMYGAWD!!!LOOKATTHATGIRL!!!!WHATEVERISSHEWEARING?!?!  
  
(Random student walks by wearing jeans & sweatshirt. thug bags her also)  
  
Selphie- *smiles. children's eyes are as big as saucers now*  
  
RInoa- (whispered) thank omega!  
  
Seifer- well, for my soft skin, I use clearasil, and get facials once a month. aw, @#$%, did I just say that out loud!?!?  
  
Eminem- I feel ya pain, homie  
  
Seifer- where the hell did you come from?!?  
  
Eminem- . . O.o *disappears*  
(Jen note- this is kind of old, but basically about a couple of years ago the paparazzi found eminem at a facial place and he was mad. yup.)  
  
Selphie- ....Balamb garden is an amazing school, offering many fringe benefits for free time such as-  
  
Seifer- anyway, look at puberty boy!   
  
(the girls are giving them strange looks, trying to continue their tour. the children are staring at the guys now)  
  
Squall- ...whatever do you mean?  
  
Selphie- the library provides an excellent research facility, our cafeteria provides arguably the best hot dogs in all of the gardens, along with-  
  
Zell- got that damn right!  
  
*Quistis stomps on his foot*  
  
Zell- owwie! that wasn't nice, you bitch!  
  
*Seifer snaps fingers and Irvine throws bucket of water on squall, making all his makeup run off, revealing a pimply faced squall. GASP!*  
  
Squall- i'm melting.......  
  
Rinoa- ewwie!   
  
Irvine- huh.   
  
Seifer- scarred for life, eh?  
  
*children are hiding behind fake plants now, as their parents were taken on another tour in the beginning*  
  
Cid- squall, how could you?! *has the face of someone who just found out that their lover is actually a man on a soap opera*  
  
Squall- um, his isn't me, this is just a mask! yeah, heheh, a mask!!!  
  
Rinoa- oh. okay!!! *hugs him, then stops* Well, its a really scary mask, so can you take it off? for meeeeeee?? *blinks with carebear eyes*  
  
Squall- *sweatdrop* i-er... need a special de-bonding liquid which is in a dark crevice of my room so you wouldn't be able to find it. -.-  
  
Zell-Ill get it!   
  
Quistis- And our infirmary, Hosted my dr. Kadowaki is immaculate-  
  
Squall- (between gritted teeth) the pleasure is mine, zell *he runs off to the dormitories*  
  
Quistis- our garden is wholly movable, giving us the abilities for exciting field trips to-  
  
Seifer- *whispered to others* always knew it.  
  
---Rinoa and Selphie lose interest and start playing patty-cake----  
  
Quistis- (beginning to go insane) and.....   
  
Zell- *appears behind her* food fight in cafeteria, c'mon guys!  
  
Quistis- *twitch. pause. takes a deep breath. twitch* THATS IT!!! YOU HAVE PUSHED ME PAST MY LIMIT! I HAVE TO GO WRITE ZEIFERS, SQUIDS AND IRVNOAS!! *runs off to dorms*  
  
Zell, Seifer, Rinoa & Squall (who has reappeared somehow)- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid & Irvine- Score!   
  
*by now, any illusion of order is lost, and as the young misfits run their separate ways (to write quisdels), we are left with the young tourees (or is it tourists)*  
  
Child #1- ..........wow  
  
Child #2- I know.... I really want to go here now!  
  
Child #1- ??!?!?!  
  
Child #2- *coughs smoke* OHHH NOOO!!! THE MIND CONTROL MACHINE FAILED!!!!! (says cid's voice)  
  
*children run away to who knows where, fanfic ends with single spotlight on broken robot*  
  
-FIN-  
  
  
  
  
Jen Note- this is kind of crappy, because i never realized that parodies needed more work than serious fics because they actually have to be funny. which is easy to say..... but i think it comes across a little strained when i write it down. anyway, this was my first sucky little attempt so yeah. that is why its so bad.   
oh! and if you didnt get that thing quistis said.... Zeifer= Zell/Seifer Squid= Squall/Cid  
Irvnoa= Irvine/Rinoa. Oh, and a Quisdel is Adel/Quistis. Scary, isn't it? -.- I should stick to serious writing....  



End file.
